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Part of the problem, in fact perhaps the entire problem, was that I was totally unsure of myself with regard to ANYTHING, except for wanting to be a doctor. That was true even about my singing, which everyone seemed to love, but which I didn’t want to do in public. Why? Perhaps if I figured out the answer to THAT question, I might understand myself better.Liz’s words came back to me again — You always run away! It’s what you do best! and Coward! — and ultimately, that did define me. I WAS a coward. Or perhaps it was better to say I lacked self-confidence and I hated confrontation. And in that realization, I wondered if I could actually do the RA job. I wanted it because of the financial advantage, but could I actually DO the job? Was I willing to step into confrontations and help resolve them? Did I have the self-confidence to provide advice? Did I have the empathy to listen to someone’s troubles? The RAs all did those things. If I couldn’t do them, I couldn’t in good conscience apply. Our first date and first kiss were that night. We were together every available moment for a week. We spent, spending the time learning about each other, and letting our love ripen."There's a fraternity party tonight. Let's go," I said to her on Friday afternoon."Which fraternity?" Phi Delt." I hear their parties are drunken orgies," she replied.Her expression made me twitch. She pressed against me and wrapped her arms tightly around my waist."You don't have to get me drunk, Mike. Lead me to your bed and tell me what you want me to do," she said.Within the hour, we made love for the first time. She was a virgin, which surprised me. When I commented on her eager surrender, she said, "I've never been in love before."I proposed a week later. She blessed the event with her tears and happily accepted. At Thanksgiving, I took her home to meet my parents, who wholeheartedly approved of her. When we returned to school, she moved into my apartment, although her dormitory room was paid for the.
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